July 10 and Some Thoughts

June 24 on St. George Island. I've gained 4 pounds since this photo and I didn't like it then!

Well, here I am again. My weight is WAY up. And I mean WAY up. I’m not far from my highest ever and that’s not a good feeling. I kept most of my initial loss off for a few years, but the last few months have been a whirlwind of gains and very few losses, bumping my weight up to the next decade and adding a whole point to my daily minimum per Weight Watchers. At this point, I either cry UNCLE or get a grip. Considering how uncomfortable I was yesterday wearing a pair of shorts that actually fit, I know that getting a grip is the only option.

I forgot how uncomfortable my clothes were at my heaviest. Shorts and pants that fit perfectly while I stood dug into my gut when I sat. I was self-conscious in almost every shirt I own. I hated it and I refuse to go back to it. So starting yesterday, I’m getting serious. I now have 39 pounds to lose to get to my goal.

One thing that’s eating at me (pun intended) is that I’m exercising a lot. I mean A LOT. I eat too many desserts for certain, but I shouldn’t be gaining this quickly with the amount of physical activity I have going on. Or maybe I’m just in denial about how much I eat. I will say, though, that my body is different at this weight now than the last time and I think that’s due to exercise. I don’t think I’m as big as I was, even though I weigh the same. This is because of how I look in the mirror and how clothes fit me. That’s a good thing, but I still don’t like that number. And no matter how many people tell me the number doesn’t matter, it still will matter to me.

Part of my problem is I don’t eat a high volume of food, but I eat high-calorie foods, so a little adds up quickly. I think I need to banish desserts and eating out to once a month and no more. And I’ll probably do them both together: a night out at a restaurant with a yummy dessert. I need willpower. There’s no way around it.

Thankfully, I have no trips planned for the rest of the summer. That means I have a certain amount of control over my environment that I don’t have when out of town. I just need a few months to get where I want to be and then I can maintain. I found maintenance much easier than trying to lose weight, so that should be a breeze. And I’ll have some wiggle room at 115 pounds that I don’t have now.

Notice under the About Me section that I’m once again recording my weight publicly and weekly. It must be done. This week’s weight is a little low. There was a number after the decimal, but I was in such shock at seeing 154 that I didn’t notice what the number was. I do think some of that was water retention because this morning the scale said 153. Hopefully, that means if I’m really good this week, next Sunday will show a huge loss — maybe even back into the 140s. I also deleted all the previous weights and am starting from scratch today.

I can only hope.

WPs:  35 (used 2) (33 remain)
APs: 5 (used 0) (5 remain)

Breakfast: Orange juice, oat bran cereal (6)
Snack: None
Lunch: None
Dinner: Tomato soup, almonds, pierogies (12)
Dessert: Smoothie (5)
Snack: Carrots
Exercise: Swim (5)
Total Points Used: 23